I lost last year my wife of fifty years, sweet Mavis.
Would you, could you play some Miles Davis?

My partner’s gotten Alzheimer’s.
The days have shrunk.
Spread some joy with Thelonious Monk.

I lost my father, the days are darker.
Could you play some Charlie Parker?

I kicked my addiction to cocaine.
If you could play anything by John Coltrane
I’d open another bottle of champagne.

A kumquat for a quintet.
A jazz band in a dream land!

I switched gender. I call myself Cherry.
I’d dance across the room if you played Chuck Berry.

Last year was a train wreck.
Time, surely, for Dave Brubeck.

The days are grey, the sky is gloopy.
Energise us with Fela Kuti,

Last year my husband was so unkind
I ran away.
Could you play something by Billie Holiday?

I popped the question to my girlfriend Jean.
A thumbs up!
We’re gagging for some Bunky Green.

My auntie’s knitting Kashmiri shawls.
A sudden blast of Biggie Smalls?

After thirty years of marriage
my wife threw in the towel—
(leaping off a bridge)—
Oh Maisy! Maisy! Maisy!
She was always partial to Count Basie.

Shall we, shan’t we, should we, let’s.
Give us something by Stan Getz.

This year I gave birth to Jerome.
Almost anything please by Nina Simone!

It was our first wedding anniversary last year
(I don’t normally tell people this,
I met my husband at Walmart . . . )
We lowered the blinds,
a tip-top afternoon with Django Reinhart.
Would you? Could you? Should you?

So I grabbed it online and paid the acquisition fee!
Bring on the trumpets, Dizzy Gillespie.

I recently qualified as a Level Two Undertaker.
Please play My Funny Valentine by Chet Baker.

We lost dear Max on Boxing Day.
Our loving selfless Dachshund dog.
Could we hear the voice of Karin Krog?

My dentist went completely mad
and pulled out all my teeth.
I now make a weird sucking noise
which goes quite well with ‘Tootie’ Heath.

Last year I had a stroke.
I would like to listen to some Elmo Hope.

Last year another breakdown, I was sent away . . .
Reel me back with Sydney Bechet.

A kumquat for a quintet.
A jazz band in a dream land!

Last month I gave up and laid down
for the last time my weary head.
Could you play The Grateful Dead?